Terrible Twos
by VampedVixen
Summary: The child that springs from their Sylar and Claire's forced union isn't exactly a sweet, little angel. This is what happens when you watch The Omen and too many Baby Plucky Duck cartoons back to back.


**Author's Notes:** Written for thaliagreene in the Sylar Ficathon with the prompt "Sylaire as parents. Maybe a cute toddler. Could be funny." This is what happens when you watch The Omen and too many Baby Plucky Duck cartoons back to back.

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**Three years ago..**

"You heard about the deal, right?" Sylar sat with her in the small Primatech cell, pretending this wasn't the most awkward conversation either of them ever participated in. "We'll both get time off for good behavior."

She shuddered. "Let's just skip the foreplay. I'll still hate you when this is all over."

"Doesn't matter. They only want--"

"To breed us like cattle?"

"To propagate our species." He ran a hand over her shoulders, calming her. It didn't work. There were still a dozen or so scientists starring down at them through the false mirror. Claire could almost see them, taking notes, jotting down their observations, watching like the little voyeuristic creeps that they were. "It's a necessary step in our evolution."

"I bet you say that to all the girls the company wants you to fuck."

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**Present day..**

Claire woke in her company-approved bed, in her company-approved bedroom, in her company-approved apartment to the sound of someone screaming in a very company-unapproved manner. She clutched at her chest, her heart beating fast and hoped it was only a leftover image from her nightmares. After all, no one could get through the security at this apartment complex. There were too many guards and plus there was her son, who was a handful all by himself.

A second later, something hit the living room ceiling hard, screaming all the way up and sending little shock waves throughout the apartment. The few decorations the company allowed her to keep shook as if in an earthquake. Photo frames of her family and knickknacks from her old life danced on the edge of her dresser, threatening to tumble off.

"Gabriel?" She grabbed her robe and wrapped it around her. Walking down the hallway, she checked her son's bedroom but found his bed empty. Panic rose in her voice, "Gabriel!"

Then she heard his laughter from the living room, which was almost as disturbing as the thought that he was gone. Gabriel wasn't exactly a well behaved toddler and her breath caught in her chest when she contemplated what he could have done now.

"Dada go down." The little boy giggled out his words from one room over. Claire shot into action as more screaming followed and then Gabriel's laughter again. She stood in the doorway of the living room, wide-eyed as her two-year-old son levitated Sylar back onto the ceiling, clapping his hands in joy all the while. "Dada go up."

"Oh my god, Sylar?!"

Bruises covered his face. One of Gabriel's favorite games was Up & Down, unfortunately few people survived after their first round. Sylar seemed a bit dazed as he mumbled out his words. "Claire.. I don't suppose.. you could.. get our son to stop.. killing me?"

Before Claire could recover from the shock of seeing someone who disappeared from her life two years ago, Gabriel smiled and worked his powers again. "Dada go down."

"Gabriel, no." She pointed her finger at her son while Sylar recovered from crashing on to the floor. He groaned and Claire only hoped he would be okay. "That's a very bad boy. How many times do I have to tell you that hurting people is wrong? I'm very upset with you."

He started wailing, going into a temper tantrum. He kicked his mother, stomped his foot and shouted. "You lie. Comp'nee say hurt people s'okay. They say. They say!" Gabriel glared at her, pouting and testing his limits. Then, he pointed to the ceiling in defiance and Sylar flew back up. "Dada go up! Up!"

Claire winced as Sylar hit the ceiling again. "I don't care what Primatech says. I'm your mother and I'm telling you to bring your father down from the ceiling this instant."

"Else what?"

"Or else.." Claire thought of a good enough punishment. She'd read all the parenting book the company provided for her but for some reason arguments concerning superpowers were never covered in any of their chapters. "I'll make the Haitian stay here for a month and you won't be able to play with any of your powers."

Gabriel brought his lips into a tight pout and then released his father from his telekinesis, without the benefit of bringing him down to the ground slowly first. Sylar grunted as he collapsed onto the floor. This was a fight Gabriel wasn't going to win, so he did the next best thing and punched his mother in the stomach with as much strength as someone ten times his size. "You mean mommy!"

Claire clutched her stomach, thanking fate for her advanced healing ability as Gabriel toddled out of the room. She glanced behind her, feeling the all too familiar sense of needing to put right whatever her son did this time. "Sylar.. are you okay?"

He pulled himself up into a seated position, clutching a hand to his bleeding forehead. "Am I okay!? I just got beat up by a two-year-old!" He didn't seem to be able to put all the pieces together, almost disbelieving what just transpired. Claire gave him a hand, helping him to his wobbly feet. "Now I understand why some animals eat their young."

Claire bit her lip, lying the best that she could. "Gabriel's not that bad."

"You named him Gabriel?"

She saw the corners of his lips forming into a proud smirk. Ruining the sentimentality of the moment, Claire sardonically answered, "well, it says Subject CS34 on Primatech's official birth certificate so I thought of a nickname that was a little less formal." Sylar's smile fell just a bit, his namesake not official. Checking the locked door, Claire asked. "How did you get in here?"

"Phased.. killed some people.. phased again.." He shrugged his shoulders, moving his head in a small circle to loosen up injured muscles. "What are you still doing here anyway? I thought the company let you go."

"Not all of us were as lucky as you. I didn't get to just disappear into the night, leaving a trail of bodies behind me while the company turned a blind eye." His sudden disapperance from the company still angered her. Years ago, she thought he might stick around to help her raise their son. Plans changed though and he was gone sooner than she could give birth. "I was forced to stay here and play mother to the company's child."

Sylar stretched his back, glancing down the hallway to where their son could be heard banging things about the kitchen. "He seems a bit.."

"Evil?"

"I was going to say unruly, but yeah, let's go with that." Sylar nodded slowly as he rubbed a bruise on his neck. "How do you handle him?"

"I.." She paused, because 'handle' was the wrong word with Gabriel. She dealt with him, praised him when the company told her to and failed to understand him most of the time. She couldn't suppress a shiver as it ran down her spine. "I don't."

He stepped closer, tilting her chin up so she would look at him. "You're afraid of him, aren't you?"

"Have you seen the movie 'The Omen'? Gabriel's a few steps away from becoming Damien. Some days I just want to shave his head and search for the 666 birthmark."

Sylar's concern grew not only for his son, but for Claire as well. "How did he get this way? What did the company do to him?"

She laughed, harsh and cold. "Nothing. They didn't do anything. No tests, no experiments. They're letting him enjoy a normal childhood.. for now." After hearing a loud _smash_ coming from the kitchen, Claire pulled away from Sylar. She wasn't in the mood to be patronized by some man who deserted her years ago. "But you're his father and a serial killer, why don't you start connecting those dots?"

"Wait," Sylar called behind her, following her down the hallway. His voice was nearly drowned out by the sound of a blender switching on. The appliance grinded and growled, sounding rather angry. "You think I did this?"

"Let's just say," She gave him a deep scowl. "Anything with your genes can't be entirely sane. The apple doesn't fall far from the fucked up family tree, now does it?"

"Oh come on, your family was plenty fucked up too. Nathan kept growing that damn lumberjack beard on his face every time he went into one of his alcoholic emo phases. How is that normal? Oh, and sources say Peter used to have a crush on you. Apparently the Petrellis keep it in the family."

Claire threw her hands up. "God, could you get any more disturbing?"

They entered the kitchen, where Gabriel was attempting to levitate a whole chocolate cake off the top of refrigerator. A chocolate cake which Claire made him promise to save for desert. "Want cake, mommy. Want cake!"

"Gabriel, I told you--" She snatched the cake from the air, putting it back up on top of the refrigerator. She knew it wouldn't deter Gabriel but she had to at least try to take charge of the situation. "Not until after dinner!"

"Don't want dinner. Want cake! Want cake now!"

"Hey, Gabriel." Sylar bent to his son's eye level, trying his hand at his son's stubbornness. "Do you want to go show me your bedroom? I bet there's lots of toys in there you could show me. I used to have this toy clock when I was a kid--"

"You're a mean Dada. I not like you anymores. You don't play games." Gabriel crossed his little arms. "You don't play Up & Down wit' me!"

"That's just because I don't like that game." Sylar grimaced from the memory of round one of their little funtime. "I don't like games where people get hurt--" Claire rolled her eyes, causing Sylar to backtrack, "Well, okay, I do.. but not with you. You're too young for--"

Suddenly, one of the kitchen drawers opened and the knives in it flew out. They hovered in the air, poised to attack. Sylar's back was turned, so he couldn't understand why Claire's eyes went wide with fear.

A second later, the knives went flying through the air, straight at Sylar's head. Claire darted forward and tackled him to the ground just moments before he was shish-kabobed.

Claire starred down at Sylar, neither of them moved from where they landed on the floor together. Their faces were so close, Claire could feel the heat coming from him and had to resist kissing those lips she remembered all too well. She was still angry with him, after all.

Behind them, Gabriel danced and swung himself around in a circle, finding the whole situation hilarious. "What 'bout Dodge? Dada like Dodge?"

Sylar frowned. "Claire?"

"Yes?"

"Could we possibly teach our child some games that don't end with me being beaten up, flayed, bruised, battered or in agonizing pain?"

Claire sat up, watching in dismay as Gabriel moved the cake from off the refrigerator. He sat with it on the floor, surrounded by the knives he'd collected and dug into the chocolate with his hands. Chocolate smooshed all over his face, his clothes, his fingers and somehow managed to make it into his hair. A rather messy eater, Gabriel also managed to get it all over the floor, the cabinets and the refrigerator. No surface was safe from him. "I don't know Sylar. Do you really want to stick around long enough to play any of them with him?"

Sylar watched his son and smiled, completely enthralled and exhausted. "So, we have an evil child. It's not so bad."

"Not so bad?!"

"Yeah. I'm evil and you still fell in love with me."

"Correction. I had sex with you. It's not the same." It was a lie and they both knew it. After the company brought them together, Sylar stayed with her throughout the pregnancy, making sure she was cared for and never needed anything. If he hadn't gotten completely fed up with the company's rules, he never would have left in the first place. "And how are we going to raise Gabriel anyway? You probably don't even know the first thing about being a father!"

"I do too know how to be a father, Claire. You have to listen to them, give them opportunities to grow and never make a tuna sandwich when they're trying to get your attention." He paused. "Oh, and we'll definitely have to teach him some new games.. and get locks on all the cabinets with sharp pointy implements in them."

"And you'll have to stop killing people."

"What?!"

"Gabriel needs a good role model."

Sylar sighed heavily. Parenthood was going to take more work than he originally thought. "Fine, fine, no more killing people. Except maybe the Haitian. I-- I can still kill the Haitian and steal his powers, right? Because I don't think I could deal with our child without them."

"That compromise will work." Claire nodded, in complete agreement. With Sylar around with the Haitian's powers, they might just be able to survive being parents together. Being a mother was terribly hard, so hard in fact that Claire wasn't sure if she was joking when she asked, "Can you go kill him tonight? Like very soonish?"

Gabriel scooped up the last piece of cake, bringing it over to his mother. He sat in her lap, once again complacent and calm and fed the cake to her, getting chocolate all over her lips. "You like, mommy?" When she smiled and agreed, Gabriel took another piece of cake in his small, chubby fingers and offered it to Sylar. "You want taste too, dada?"

"Don't mind if I do." Sylar first licked Claire's lips with a kiss, tasting the bit of cake Gabriel smeared all over her face. Then he ate the rest of it that was still in Gabriel's fingers. "Mmm.. Chocolate. My favorite. Now how about we start packing so I can bring you guys back to New York with me. If that's all right with your mother, I mean."

"New York sounds wonderful!" After granting her consent, she watched as Sylar carried their son out of the kitchen. Hopefully, her son's terrible twos would pass once he got a little older, of course then they would have to deal with the terrible three's and the four's and the so-on's ad infinitum.

Perhaps this was Sylar's karma finally coming back to bite him on the ass.

-The End-


End file.
